The Greatest Lie Part 4

Except Jake, I thought, remembering my wild weekend affair in Denver. I recalled the letter that I had received from him last week and had callously left unopened. I rushed for it in a panic, thinking perhaps I had already missed a chance to see him. I tore it open, and read:

Jake Jones

Edwards AFB

Box 47872

Rosamund, California

Dear Allie:

Thank you for writing and telling where you are. It was good to hear from you.

I’ll never forget the time we had last summer. You are a beautiful and wonderful person and I am sure you will grow up to be even more beautiful. But I have had time to think and I am not the right man for you. I want to have kids of my own and a normal life. I am getting married next week to my high school girlfriend, and then she is going to move onto the base. I re-upped for three more years in the Air Force.

I am sure you will be fine, because even though you are different, you know what you want. Thank you for helping me figure out what I want too.

Sincerely

Jake

I felt as if the walls of my tiny room had collapsed on me, burying me in a mound of grief. I lay sobbing on my bed as the world receded into nothingness, and I was left alone in a center of isolation and pain. I would never be accepted. I was a freak; I only attracted only perverts, curiosity seekers and wayward homos. Was the solution to have a sex change operation, and fade into the world of ordinary women? I grabbed my cock and balls and squeezed them with all my strength, that they might disappear. Gathering unconsciousness forced me to relax my grasp, and the black orbs of pain faded from my vision. As I regained control over my breathing and pulse, I remembered that I wasn’t even close to a sex change under the Benjamin protocols. Every step I had taken, I had taken alone, without any medical sanction. For the present, I was stuck in this in between life, alone, amidst the mad mob of my classmates. Skipping dinner, I took a double dose of Premarin, a couple of Valium and tried to jerk off. Failing, I finally drifted into a troubled sleep.