The Greatest Lie Part 4

I was too stressed out to go back to the dorm, and Dr. Prince’s prodding and poking had left me aroused. I hadn’t been fucked since Jon’s return, and I was horny and lonely and scared, so I decided to stop by Jon’s apartment. I climbed the familiar steps, put my leftover key in the lock and pushed open his door, my mind racing ahead to the erotic conclusion of this journey.

The apartment was dark, but I could tell it was occupied. I groped through the dim interior, and pushed open his bedroom door. I was instantly overcome with regret and horror, for there lay Jon entangled in a mound of disheveled sheets, wrapped in the arms and legs of another guy, and obviously savoring the afterglow of sexual encounter. "I’m sorry" I stammered as I retreated in bewilderment. Jon bounded up and after me, calling out "Wait Allie, let me explain." But I understood, and this needed no explanation. I was just another gay lover, a variation on the guy in his bed. He caught up with me at the front door. "Allie, he’s just a friend."

"Yeah, and so am I", I sobbed, and broke free from his grasp and ran down the stairs into the darkening, cold afternoon.

I took a long route back to the dorm. I was nauseated by the thought of Jon enjoying sex with another man. True, I was still physically partly a male, but he had related to me only as an active, dominant male, and I to him as passive, submissive female. Keeping sexual activity within these categories reassured me and kept me sane and balanced, but obviously they made him feel confined or bored. He wanted it both ways: I only wanted him one way.

As I thought of him being possessed, in the same ways he had possessed me, I felt revulsion. No wonder, I thought, he was the master of so many positions: he had probably experienced them from the bottom. As I entered my room and threw myself on my bed, I felt sick. God, maybe I do need to see a shrink. Then it occurred to me: despite my little "problem", I was really a heterosexual. The problem with Jon was that he was bi, or maybe even homosexual. We had too much in common to be lovers. Now, I had no one.