The Greatest Lie Part 4

"Dr. Feinberg, of Beverly Hills," I extemporized.

"And didn’t Dr. Feinberg refer you to anyone here? Do you have a letter from Dr. Feinberg?" he asked, incredulously.

I silently cursed myself for being so ill prepared. I decided to resort to feminine helplessness. "I didn’t have anyone to talk to, I was afraid to tell anyone," I sobbed, tears streaming down my face. "I just couldn’t stand being a boy and turning a man. I’m a girl, and I have to become a woman. If I can’t, I’ll just kill myself."

"Wait a minute," he said soothingly. "Nobody said you can’t. You just have to go about it the right way. Now I can’t write estrogen prescriptions for you without a letter of referral from a psychiatrist of a psychologist. It sounds like you skipped over that step somehow. Is that right?"

I nodded silently, my closed eyes stung with tears. "I am going to send you to Dr. Erika Wright," he said, scribbling a name on the back of a prescription pad and thrusting it at me. "I think you will find her someone you can talk to. Call me back in a week for your labs. And back off on that estrogen."

"I’m sorry I lost control", I said, wiping my eyes. "I really want you to be my doctor."

"And I want to be your doctor, but I want you to learn to play by the rules, and to tell the truth to your doctors."

"I’m sorry, but it’s so hard to tell the truth about this. You get used to lying."

"But not to me," he replied. I nodded, and then involuntarily hugged him. He gave my hand a little squeeze as he reminded me "Don’t forget to call Dr. Wright. And maybe she can help you with your housing problem!"

O god, I thought, just what I need, another doctor. I dreaded speaking to a shrink. She would probably think I was nuts! I had never had thought I was crazy: I was just stuck in a crazy situation. A shrink might think otherwise. Or maybe she might decide that I should remain a male, or even get me committed.