The Greatest Lie Part 2

When we were on the Interstate, I went to the bathroom, bag in hand. I stuck my finger down my sore throat forced myself to vomit. I washed my face and brushed my teeth about five times, to get the foul taste of my assailant out of my mouth. To get him out of my memory, I bared my ass and injected a double dose of estrogen, and popped a couple of Valium.

Then, to further boost my morale, I changed out of my jockeys and put on some flowered cotton panties and a matching training bra. I looked in the spotted and swaying mirror, and realized I looked frazzled and ashen. I put on a little mascara and eye shadow, and some lip gloss, and felt much better. I covered up with my Raybans and a baseball cap, returned to my seat by my Mexican madre. The estrogen/Valium combo, together with the rumble of the bus through the desert, worked their magic, and my troubles slipped away into sleep.

I must have slept through a stop or two because when I woke up "Mother Mexico" was gone, and replaced by a uniformed, six foot tall soldier. I was startled and thrilled: he was gorgeous, but sound asleep. I climbed gingerly over his massive thighs, to take a pee and make some preparations for some serious conversation after he awoke. He would be the perfect antidote to old greasy beard. I asked the driver our next stop: six hours non-stop to Denver, where I had a layover. Plenty of time to get acquainted and to make plans for a very special "lay" over.

In the bathroom, I prepared myself for "whatever" by douching my ass. No matter how little I eat, traveling always constipates me. How gross! I held it as long as I could as it swirled like a wild tide with the sway of the bus over the mountainous highway. I squeezed it in, imagining I was pregnant and in labor with the soldier’s baby. I brushed out my hair, applied foundation, spritzed with a subtle Eau de Toilet, interrupted, occasionally, by urgent feelings and expulsions from my gut. I changed from my bulky sweatshirt to a tight, rolled neck T, and draped a simple gold chain around my neck.