New Girl

'Hey girl, watcha doin?'

To this day, I don't know why I answered like I did.

'It's Jess!'

'Pleased to meet you, Jess! I love that show too! You actually look like Jess from that show 'New Girl'!'

'You're kidding me, right dude? I don't look at all like Jess, and that is not even my costume! For your information, I don't look like that actress, and furthermore, I am a man dolled up like a woman for a Halloween party. My girlfriend had to use the can and we stopped at this bar on the way to a Halloween party at a friend of ours.'

You should have seen the look on the man's face. Complete and utter shock! My new friend at the bar was a huge man, probably six foot 6 and weighed around 300 pounds. But he was dressed nicely. An expensive blue pinstriped suit and $500 leather shoes. Even sitting beside me on the bar stool, he was much bigger than me! Eventually his look of shock wore off and he asked me to tell him why I was dressed like I was.

'Well sir, it's a long story and I don't have the time, really. My girlfriend should be back any second'

'My name's Brian. Please start your story! You know women and washrooms! She could be a while!'

'Oh for sure, Brian! Okay, I could start my tale anyway! Olivia, my girlfriend, is a beautician, and awfully fussy about looking just right, especially her makeup! So let's see, I will start! It was about a month ago.'

I had had a long day at work. My name's Tim by the way. I'm in insurance. Big Insurance company. I investigate false claims, people trying to rip off the company, that kind of thing. Anyway, I came home around 7 p.m. and Olivia had a nice chicken dinner ready for me.

'How was your day, sweetie?'

'Pretty good Olivia. I caught two men on film who were supposedly on disability. Idiots! The boss is real happy with me!'

'That's amazing Tim! I'm so proud of you, baby!'

'Why thanks, honey. I'm proud of me, too!'

'What's new with you Olivia? This chicken is out of this world, by the way!'