I Give Up

I had only dreamed that my life would actually allow me to become a female, a transgender woman. As I lay in the guest suite after Renee and I had made love I considered fortune's circumstances that had brought me to be here at Anais'. As a young person, I had fantasies of becoming a girl but the details of those paled in contrast to Anais and Renee's involvement in my transition. My facial and body structure were the source of constant derision from others when I was young, even from many of the girls; I was 'too pretty'. I had no reason to hope that someday I might become feminine, or that my thoughts and experiences might be female. My existence, as Lisa tonight, with Renee, far exceeded any imaginings. I had related to lesbian loving for so long that Renee's insistence that I needed to be ready for penetration seemed overstated.

She had been a part of my development. I had come far over these months and I was Lisa now. I was Lisa due to her assistance. The next morning I awoke well before six, and walked to the window, naked to watch her leave in the soft morning light.

My mind recall how it had occurred, I closed my eyes; she had entered my body and I was enthused; I loved the profound feelings Renee had caused within my body. I felt so stirred by her phallus that in the dark, late last night, I dreamed of Anais. I reached to the nightstand for the replica of his member. Surely my sexual needs had evolved but I would miss Renee's femininity and her arousing kisses. Most of all I had been loved and I wasn't alone. Renee had helped with my bodily changes, but also, she had inspired me to live as a lover, of women and hopefully of a man. The physical reality of my body had influenced my mental view and my spirit. Renee's loving offered a perspective based on a new and different world. As I had moved from my bed to watch her leave I turned seeing the closet door ajar, and saw the lovely black gown. I knew there was much more to understand. Anais would be there to help me now, I felt certain. I was chilled and reached for the silk sleeping gown.