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How To Spot A Shemale

Pretend you're a homo

If you are unable to flee, you can pretend that you are gay. Transsexuals are only interested in men who are interested in women. If you don't appear to be, chances are that they'll pass you by without a second glance

Pretend you're on the pill (but don't have one handy)

If you can't bring yourself even to pretend that you're anything but an all-beef, totally manly man, then pretend that you are impotent and have forgotten your Viagra. "She" won't waste another moment on you.

Lie

If all else fails, tell "her" that "she" looks like your Uncle Marty or ask "her" if "she" forgot to shave. Tell "her" this even if "her" skin is the smoothest, sleekest, most satiny epidermis you've ever laid eyes (but never hands!) on, and "her" complexion puts even Marilyn Monroe's to shame. "She" may scratch your eyes out, but, otherwise, "she's" sure to leave you the hell alone.