Healthy Behavior

Anyway, the stretched out the surgery that made me what I am today over three months. They got the easy stuff out of the way first, with one surgery a week. Initially, I got the collagen lip injections done, then the lipo I needed for my new shape. I was on enough codeine to make a good-sized town high to dull the pain. Remember that X-Files Simpsons episode where Mr. Burns is glowing in the dark and saying 'I bring you peace' due to all the drugs he was on? Well, that was me.

Then, the big stuff started happening. The electrolysis, the silicon injections around the hips, stuff like that. Not exactly a pleasurable process. At some point, I was thinking about snorting a few keys of coke, if for no other reason than a better painkiller. But those kind of addictions are, well, the means by which the well-to-do distribute their wealth to the poor masses.

Cocaine is better than socialism. At least in that regard. And if you think that was painful, the surgery for my little…toys was a wreck. For the surgery, I was in a dream world playing beer pong with Babe Ruth against Mickey Mantle and Billy Martin. Or was that Thurman Munson. Anyway, that surgery took place around the end of my stay. I was immobilized for a week healing up. That's when I noticed that huge pipe you just saw the hired help cleaning. Somewhere between the codeine fading me in and out of consciousness, I overheard the doctor saying that it was a gift for help me out with my dream. Then, I heard him say something to effect of 'flaming fagot'. Or maybe I dreamt it. For his sake, I hope is the latter.
But I do remember the day I finally got to play with my new favorite toy…my body. There was this nurse there named Patti. Nice, old, grandmotherly type White woman. I hadn't been too embarrassed by her. After all, she had been tending to my needs for the weeks since my breast surgery. Anyway, I remember the day that she came to take off the bandages. This was the day I was finally waiting for. I would finally get to see my body! Plus, the codeine buzz gets too disorienting after a while.