A Not-So-Small Piece of Heaven Chapter 3

But the prospect of letting her into my life scared me. I didn't know how to handle the fact that she wasn't one hundred percent woman. I looked at the clock. The time read 12:30. I decided I had to call her. I couldn't keep doing this to myself and her. I picked up my phone and dialed her number. It rang four times and she picked up. "Hello?" I heard through the receiver.

She sounded like she had been crying. "It's me," I said, bracing myself for whatever reaction.

"Haven't you humiliated me enough?" she whispered.

"I called to explain myself," I said, a hint of anger in my voice. "I just freaked out. I didn't know how to handle it. I've had this societal lesson not to do things like that. That it's gay. And that all sort of rushed into my head when you came in my mouth. I didn't know how to handle it, so I panicked and left. I feel terrible about it, and I feel terrible about what you must be going through right now."

I trailed off, waiting to hear her reaction. She was silent for half a minute. "You really hurt me today Carter. At least the other guys I had been with left when they knew what I was. They didn't get my hopes up. They didn't tell me it was no problem. They at least manned up and told me that they weren't ok with it. You didn't. You lied to me, and made a fool out of me. I don't think I can ever forgive you for this, Carter. So maybe we shouldn't see each other again."

Tears welled up in my eyes. The hurt in her voice made me realize just how wrong I was. "I understand," I breathed.

"No, Carter, you don't. I've spent my whole life looking for a guy to be ok with me. I thought it was you. You crushed me. I don't know if I'll ever build up the confidence to go out and look again," she said. I could tell she was crying.

I bit my lower lip, stifling a sob. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Goodbye Carter," she said matter-of-factly.

And with that she hung up the phone. I listened to the dial tone for two minutes. When I finally hung up the receiver, I turned towards my bedroom, tears streaming down my cheeks. I climbed into bed and fell into a fitful sleep within an hour.