The switch

I soon grew weary of watching them fuck and suck on celluloid; I wanted to taste them in the flesh. To shrinks, this is a natural progression of an addiction, that moves from viewing to acting out. It's easy to label the condition I'm in but hard to extricate myself from it because the temptation is so overwhelming.

My first superficial tranny experience also started in 2001, back then when I was satisfied with just getting a blowjob and getting my partner to shove a dildo up my ass. But Jan 6, 2004 was a turning point as I would go full tilt towards fulfilling a fantasy that was long in coming. Before this, I had considered gay sex with men I met online but never had the nerve to come around to doing it because of its, ahem, peculiarity. Engaging in sex with other men would have been easy. Meeting guys in a bathhouse or hotel room for a quickie was too easy. In the early days, I would agonise over the sexual confusion - to do or not to do - and in the end, always avoided the issue by not doing anything.

The indecision often leaves a void inside, frustrating the baser instincts, which was mildly relieved by jerking off or humping one of the girlfriends I kept away from the wife's radar. Once I went to a downtown massage parlour, well-known as a gay haunt. With heart thumping loudly, I walked in and asked to be massaged. As the blind masseur went about his work, kneading and pummelling the body with expert precision, a customer in the same room on the other bed watched my nakedness being kneaded.

I could sense the guy was hot for my body, as out of the corner of my eye, I could see him looking longingly at my flesh. While nervous, I quite enjoyed the attention, like a teenage girl being gawked at by the boys. I thought of making use of the sauna room next, where I would be just a step away from being sodomised and having my fill of cockmeat and hot jism jetting down the throat. I chickened out at the last minute, and instead went home and jerked off to visions of being thoroughly sodomised.