TO BE OR NOT TO BE - PART 7

I found being on stage was just as exciting as being with Mark and Antonio. That nervous feeling in the pit of your stomach before you go on because it's live and you never know what can go wrong seems like a bad thing. For some reason, it's a feeling I enjoy, especially when it all goes right. But, it keeps you on your toes so that if and when something goes astray, you're ready. It's like a drug. I guess it's an adrenaline rush. Mistakes don't happen a lot, but when it does you have to be ready. I also liked pretending to be someone else, it's like every day was Halloween and Halloween is my favorite holiday. I was liking what I was doing and thought it might be something I would pursue.
I was head over heels about Antonio but knew that the reality was that when our run is over, I'd go back home and probably never see him again. He will always have a place in my heart because he has done so much to get me to where I am and I feel it's just the beginning. He is my first boyfriend after all and I'm sure I will miss him. But I'm not leaving for a couple of weeks and I know we will have some more adventures.
Mark was another story. I still wasn't sure if this was all just something new that the rich boy was having fun with until he got bored or if he was for real. I would be lying if I said that his ability to take me nice places and give me nice things was not a factor. Or that the almost childlike way he is when not in public is not enduring. Or that he's not smooth and suave in public and it doesn't make me feel prideful when I'm on his arm. Or that he's not a sweet and gentle lover. Oh my god, was I falling for Mark? I guess there could be worse things.
***
I woke up Monday feeling better about life. Why fight it, it seemed everybody thought and treated me like a girl, so why fight it? This weekend had been incredible, no, unbelievable. Laying there in bed, recalling everything that happened gave me a warm glow inside. It's hard to explain how that made me feel, but I liked it.