The Greatest Lie Part 5

I responded as I had always done before, by retreating into books. I went to the library and studied the rest of the day in solitude. Although I was still dressed in the girls clothes I had selected that morning, I attracted little attention: I looked like just another cute but studious coed. A big dose or Premarin, and the repeated challenge and success of solving problems from my physics book, gradually brought calm and confidence back to me.

I reflected with regret on my unrequited seduction of Brad. He had been so helpful and creative on in drafting the handbill, and was so committed to providing legal help to the T-Girl community. I had responded to his enthusiasm by trying to get him to fuck me. God, did I have to be a bedroom slut at every opportunity? How could I have been such an idiot? Now, despite what he had said, I felt I must have irreparably damaged my relationship with him.

Before I had transitioned to girlhood, I had never related to anyone sexually. Now, as a girl, I was relating to people exclusively sexually. I had adapted to the paradigm of ruthless male aggression toward attractive girls, by adopting the corresponding seductiveness of the stereotypic whore. I was objectifying all men as studs, even as I was being objectified as a sex object by the Ricks and Randys of the world. This was fine for guys like them, but for people like Brad, or even Finch, sexualizing the relationship had diminished, rather than enhancing it. The problem was that I just loved to get fucked. As this overwhelming realization cascaded over me, my ass started tingling with a longing sensation. With no one available to satisfy me, I was drawn, as though magnetically, to the sidewalks of Hennepin Avenue.

The neighborhood that had seemed so dull and drab by daytime now glittered and throbbed with danger and excitement. I unlocked my new studio. To my delight, the drab and empty quarters had been thoroughly cleaned and made up; on the tiny kitchenette table, there was a bouquet of Sterling Silver lavender roses, with a card from Finch.