The Greatest Lie Part 1

"Marta, when I look at you, when I touch you, I get so turned on. But I don't know if it's because I want you, or because I want to be you."

She said, "Um-hum."

"It's like the existentialists say, you can never really tell whether you are who you make yourself, or whether you are merely the sum of your experiences," I mused idiotically.

"I know, baby," she said, not knowing what the fuck I was talking about. She embraced me closer, like I was a little sister or even a doll. I went on and on, telling her of all my secrets and fears. She told me of a life of abuse at the hands of a bullying father and the sexually predatory motorheads. I finally took her home at 2:00 a.m., our minds racing but our bodies unfulfilled.

In bed, I jerked off dreaming I was Marta in the arms of Miguel, and then drifted off to sleep. I awoke before six that morning in the midst of a nightmare. I was at school, and all the motorheads, dopers, jocks, and even the art room crowd were screaming, "Kill the faggot!" at me. Marta was standing at the head of the mob. As the nightmare dissolved, I relived the prior night's events in my mind.

In the cold light of morning, the adventure that had begun so well had ended in disaster. I had confided the secret of my inner girlish self to Marta, whom I barely knew. Fear welled up inside me until I could barely breathe. At least it was Saturday, so I didn't have to go to school. But anxiety kept rising within me. From beneath my bed, I slid the box where I kept my purloined medical samples and took out a Black Beauty and a Valium and popped them both. On an impulse, I popped a 5 mg. Premarin too. Then I staggered to the shower on scarcely three hours sleep. It was going to be a long day.

I showered, fondling my hairless body and entertained alternating visions of Marta and Miguel fondling me. Finally, I slipped a soapy hand around my skinny, hairless ass and slid a finger into my anus. It slid in, and I was overwhelmed with a recollection of the same finger sliding into Marta's slick pussy the night before. It felt the same, only tighter. I was overwhelmed with the sensation that I, too, had a tight pussy. The girl inside me could at last get fucked.