Ride of My Life

As expected it was incapable of going faster than a few sedate miles per hour or performing dramatic slides, jumps or skids. Yet riding this delicate machine such boyish pranks seemed inappropriate. I caught sight of my reflection in a house window and joyfully rang my bell as I turned sharply down an alley. I immediately came face to face with a rough looking gang of lads. I knew them from college. They stood proudly smoking alongside their new Christmas bikes. They swore at me and to avoid a collision I plunged into a privet hedge.

'You fucking idiot,' Jonny from the year above screamed. 'You almost hit us. You complete tosser. Scratch my new bike, prick and I'd see you pay.'

'Sorry,' I mumble meekly struggling to disentangle myself from the foliage.

Their bikes were amazing. Transfixed, I stood momentarily admiring their impressive collection of sleek racers and well equipped mountain bikes.

'Cool bike,' Ed says sarcastically as he watches me drag my step-through shopper out the hedge. The lads all laugh and taunt me relentlessly. Dave pings my bell with a toothy grin and they all laugh.

'We couldn't afford a decent bike,' I say enviously.

The lads all laugh again.

'But it's a girls bike,' Jonny says giving it a disdainful kick.

'No,' I say defensively, 'it's unisex.' But who was I kidding.

They all howl like a pack of wild hyenas.

'Come on guys it's not half bad. It can pull great wheelies.' I lie. Unimpressed they stub out their cigarettes and mount their shinny steeds.

'So,' I say, 'which of you lucky lads wants first go?' This was my flag of friendship. I knew I was different. I didn't play football, smoke, wrestle, date girls or ride a cool bike but I still tried to be friends.

'Fuck off sissy,' Jonny spat, 'none of us want to ride your pathetic girls bike. Bugger off.'

The lads all laugh again. I try one last time to be friends. 'I didn't ask for it,' I say, 'it's what I was given.'

'By Father Christmas no doubt' Jonny jokes. 'I bet you still believe in him and I think your parents are trying to tell you something. You big girls blouse.'