Puzzle

Women. There's no figuring them. They're a puzzle, one of life's mysteries, and that's a fact. Who knows what goes on in their brains, or whether they even have brains? I mean, what rational creature would get excited over Valentine's Day? Could any holiday be more obtuse?

Like your bitch, mine's a sucker for the hearts and flowers, chocolates and greeting cards, and she expects something on Valentine's Day. If I forget to buy her something, it means I'm taking her for granted, or so she tells me, and, believe me, you don't want to be around any woman who feels she's being taken for granted. So, every February 14th, I get her something.

I'll say this much for Blanche. It doesn't take a lot to make her happy. She's one of those bitches who believes it's the thought that counts. The first time I heard her say that, I was sure she was being sarcastic, but, no--can you believe it?--she was being sincere! This was my ticket. I could buy her some piece of junk, and she'd be happy as long as I remembered to get her something.

Last Valentine's Day, though, I almost fucked it up. I almost forgot to get something. I was in an "adult store," as they started calling porno places a couple of decades back, when I remembered Blanche. There was this stacked bitch on the cover of Shemale Express that looked enough like Blanche to be her sister. Big boobs with puffy nipples, a great ass, long legs, and the cutest little cock and balls I've ever seen--better, even, than Blanche's own, and, believe me, that's saying something. Anyway, remembering Blanche, I also remembered that tomorrow was Valentine's Day and I hadn't bought her something. Blanche is as lusty as she is busty, and she loves it down the throat or up the ass or, even better, both, but, when it comes to Valentine's Day, she has to get something she thinks is "cute" or "romantic" or, even better, both. In the past, I've bought her roses, chocolates, perfume, jewelry, and all that crap, but there sure as hell wasn't anything like those items in the damned porno palace. Mostly, there were videos, DVDs, magazines, adult novelties, toys--the regular run of merchandise for horny middle-aged men. I thought maybe Blanche might like a sex board game. I was weighing this option when I saw the earrings, and I knew at once that they'd be perfect.