On Strike!

With that, the wife snapped completely. She fought her way back into her car and started backing down the driveway, scattering neighbors and news crews like bowling pins as she went. Fortunately, none of them were seriously injured, but unfortunately she was heard screaming "white trash" on national television as she mowed them down. The cameras caught it all as she was cuffed by the police and taken away. They say she will be out in three to five years with good behavior.

Her sensational performance was all the media needed to turn my strike into a publicity bonanza. Book and movie deals poured in, and I'm seriously considering a move to the coast. I'm going to have to wrap this up, because Matt Lauer is holding, Fox News is on the other line, and I have to get ready for a photo shoot with People magazine.

As for the daughter, it's the darndest thing, but once she realized one of her parents was a national celebrity, we became the best of friends. She thinks my clothes are lame, and I'm not wild about hers, but we're both coming around.