Not so much a story as cry for help

Here is a story that is not a story but a problem, looking for a solution and i can certainly use some help. So please read on, keep in mind, all that everything is the truth and it is all real.

I have lived as a transgender person since i was very young, and truly feel i am a female in a male’s body. I’ve tried to live as a man and bury that part of my life, all the while fighting the depression that comes with doing that suppression of my feminine self. I’ve had 2 wives and many girlfriends who have known, some who were ok with it and others who were not.

After my 2nd wife and i split up, i felt i was doomed to be unhappy. Drank too much, wondered why i kept going, if i’m going to be miserable. After feeling so low, i thought to myself if i can at least make someone’s life a little better somehow, then life if worth living. And the other thought i had, maybe i would be happier if i could be the woman i feel inside and that i should try to transition from male to female and see if living as a woman that i would try a relationship as woman with a man. I’ve had boyfriends in the past, and all my relationships with women seem to fail because of my feminine nature. The guys that i have slept with have mostly all been short term, but while in the company of a man, i enjoyed the comforting feeling of being “taken care of”.

So here i am now, in a relationship with a nice woman, but i feel that i’m holding her back from happiness as well as myself. I enjoy her company, we have alot of the same interests and i enjoy having sex with her, however she doesn’t desire me like i think a man would desire me. I want someone who wants to have sex with me as much as i want to have sex. And that is not the case now with the woman i’m with.

I would like to live on my own, however in my area, resort town in slower lower Delaware, there aren’t many high paying jobs that I could get and especially being a transgender person, who has long hair, has painted nails, wears a bra to hold my small A cup breasts.