How I Learned To Love Drag Part 1

"How about doing a sports interview?" I suggested. "We could have hockey's dirtiest player doing a tell-all about how to inflict pain without taking a penalty."

"Yeah," agreed Ted. "The bad guy could demonstrate all his dirty moves on the interviewer. Like an elbow to the face."

"The slew foot move to knock a guy off his skates," added Mark.

"The ever popular crosscheck the guy into the goalpost maneuver," chipped in Dave.

"What about the can opener?" offered Mark. "You put your stick between the legs and catapult the guy into the boards or over the boards into the players' bench."

"How about the old hook the stick between the legs and jerk up trick," I added. "We could call that the contraceptive cuff."

"Why not the crotch kiss?" asked Dave. "Or the ball buster."

"Those names are great," said Ted, "but crotch kiss sounds cute."

"Yes, there are a lot of dirty hockey plays . . . I wonder why they don't teach these moves on Coaches Corner," said Scott.

"Well Coach Don Cherry might go for it, but the host, Ron McLean, wouldn't," commented Mark.

"Oh Hockey Night in Canada can't do intermission clinics on dirty tricks, there's enough violence in kids hockey as it is," said Aaron.

There was a brief pause.

I asked, "How about a fight between the interviewer and the player?"

"Ron McLean's a part time referee," added Mark. "He's all for eliminating fighting. That would be perfect."

"Yeah, plus our Canadian audience would eat it up," said Ted.

I guess I was a little apprehensive my first day on the job, but at the same time delighted and excited to be joining a successful show. In fact, as opportunities go, it was one of the best!

ECSTASY was a smash! It was a ratings hit and well liked by the critics too!

So why was I concerned? Well, for one, I had big shoes to fill. Steve Perry, the comedian I was replacing, had left for greener pastures in the US. MAD TV wanted him - and he jumped at the chance for even bigger exposure. After all, when one compares Canada's Comedy Network to America's Fox Network, you're talking about ten times the audience. Not to mention a whopping increase in salary.