Dreams

from real life that you aren't sure if it is real or an illusion. The
following is a story that even I am not sure of. In all it's complexities,
all it colors and sounds I am still not sure how it happened or if it
happened but I will let you be the judge of that. It is, after all, my
perception of events and emotions that sparked another reality, a reality
that took me to a place that I only dared to go, a place where I met
. . . . . .myself.

Lying in bed, next to my Wife: I couldn't help but study her body from top
to bottom. Her wide hips, her large breasts and long hair. Oh how I
wished for these things for me over the past many years. My hand reached
out for her, touching her back. My hand rubbed up and down for several
minutes until I got her attention.

Wife: "Aren't you tired?"

Me: "No, just thinking."

Wife: "About what?"

Me: "I don't know, just thinking about all sorts of things I guess."

Wife: "Like what? Do you want to talk or something?"

Me: "Well, not really sure honey. I've been getting these feelings again
and I'm just trying to deal with them the best that I can."

Wife: "You mean the transsexual feelings? Is that it?"

Me: "Yes. . . . I guess so."

I explained my feelings to my wife on many occasions, and even though it
threatened her femininity and status as my wife she did the best she could
to deal with it. At times we would talk, and other times we would play
little "pretend" games that I had breasts. This gave me a little
excitement at the time but later I felt so guilty. It's so hard talking
about your feelings on a subject that is, well, let's just say so "Off
Color". I have to give her credit though she tried very hard.

Wife: "Talk to Me: please. You know if you get it off your chest you might
just feel a little better if not for just a while."

I just looked away and said, "I know I it bothers you that I have these
feelings about my sexuality like this but I can't help it. I don't feel
right in this body and never have felt right. If there was a way to be a
woman, a real woman, I would jump at the chance. If it wasn't for the
thought of loosing you and my daughter I might even have SRS tomorrow."