Cincinnati Apocalypse Part 6

Faith felt no sensation in her artificial penis, for it lacked nerves and could feel nothing. She felt deprived. In playing the male, she'd like to feel what a man felt, not merely a simulation or a facsimile of what he felt. She wanted to feel the actual feelings themselves. Instead, her cock-that-wasn't-a-cock, although it poked and slid and, eventually, would pierce and slide, fucking like a real prick, it would remain what it was-a mere dildo, unable to join, to feel, to overcome the gulf that she forever felt between herself and others. In the final analysis, the strap-on dildo was artificial, not actual, and it kept her apart from Xander rather than uniting her with him.

On the other hand, precisely because the dildo maintained, rather than dissolved, the estrangement that Faith felt between herself and others, between herself and even a young man she was going to fuck-in a moment, would be fucking-in the ass, it was sexy. Its inability to truly unite her with Xander-or with whoever she was fucking-was exciting. It was arousing. Already, her cunt was liquid with passion. The dildo's inability to feel or to join reminded Faith that it was merely a thing, an instrument, a tool and that, as such, it gave her only the semblance of power. In the final analysis, she remained as impotent in overcoming the separation between herself and others as she was as a woman or as a Slayer. Power could never overcome the gulf that yawned between one person and another.

Some claimed that love could do so. If love could accomplish such a feat, that would be a miracle. But faith had never known such love. She'd never known love at all until it had been too late for her to believe in it, to embrace it, to accept it. All she'd ever known was power, the ability to dominate and to control. Power, though, was, at best, a mere substitute for love, and, worse yet, power was something that destroyed but could not create, something that could bring pain but not pleasure, or that could cause death but not life.