Black Master, white sissy Part 2

So when these guys had finished with me, when they stood back to admire their handiwork and I rose to my feet uncertainly, I could see that they were not sure how I would react, how I would behave. Up till now they had been so cocky, so assured and the whole thing had moved like clockwork as if they had rehearsed it. Now that it was done, they were suddenly quiet, almost abashed. I wouldn't say ashamed - they were too confident in themselves and their identity for that. These cocky lads were looking at me to see how I would react.

I saw this, I noticed it, saw their uncertainty and I knew that I wanted to be one of them, wanted to be part of them, relate to them, accept their values, become one with them. I wanted to become a bitch, a slave, a whore, a sissy, for a gang of black guys. So despite the pain all over my body and in spite of my whirling mind, I smiled. I had to rise above the pain and even then I knew that pain would become so much a part of my life that I would really have to work on processing it.

Part of me resisted pain - that's a human instinct after all; but part of me embraced it because it was intense, it proved I was feeling and reacting and alive. That I learned - keep hold of that thought and it'll see you through, and that's what I mean by processing pain. So the smile wasn't false for all that I had to start it through an effort of will. And they started to laugh. And suddenly I was in the middle of them, being pushed around, roughed up in a way; but I was beyond feeling the minor pain that came from boots and fists. Now I knew that I was re-born, a new me emerging from all this pain and degradation and humiliation. I had a new identity. And just as a Christian is reborn with baptism so my black Masters baptised me in showers of piss. They formed a circle around me, opened the flies of their jeans and hosed me down and I put out my arms to it and welcomed it, bathed in it. Then my bag was opened and my blouse and mini skirt and heels were produced for me and, still wet with their piss, I put them on.