Black Book Diary Entry: Barbara

I met Barbara Online on one of those dating sites, Cupid or something. I was drawn to her by her correspondence. She was one of the few women who was skilled enough with the English language to keep me interested and it always excited me when I saw I had an e-mail from her.

I had no idea what she looked like. In the age of the Internet, she could have been a man for all I knew. Except, I thought of her as being short, pear shaped, and having gray hair for some reason. I'm not sure why, maybe because she told me she was an accountant, a controller for a company and that's what I imagined a female controller, one more interested in numbers than romance, should look like.

After corresponding with her for a few weeks, I cajoled her into sending me a photo of herself. I had already sent her one of me. With her knowing what I looked like, I felt encouraged that she was still interested in continuing a dialogue, which was a good thing. Certainly, I'm not a bad looking man, but you just don't know if there's still going to be a connection, once you know what the person on the other end looks like.

Finally, she sent me the photo. It had been taken by her daughter and she was standing a distance away from Barbara. It wasn't a very well constructed photo, but it was good enough for me to tell that she was a very attractive woman. Only, I didn't know how attractive she was, until I met her in person, some months later.

I was going through a separation, after a long and fairly happy marriage. My wife and I were friends more than we were lovers and once the kids left the house, the quiet was too much to bear. Still, the marriage endured long enough for us to have two children, raise them, and send them off to college, before she had become attracted to a co-worker. At the time I thought it was a blessing in disguise. Now, that I know what I know, my life had suddenly become a tragic mistake.

I remember the first time I met Barbara. She was so nervous and I was so excited. It was a little bit of a drive to meet her, with her living more than 100 miles from me, at the time. Still, I was willing to make the drive for the chance of meeting my pen pal with the hope that it would develop from a correspondence to a romance.