My Descent

It welcomed many interesting objects ranging from vegetables to tools to
furniture legs. My favorite was a hammer because the head was so heavy
that I could squat over it and it would move in and out as I bounced up and
down. At some point, the cross-dressing urge returned. I stole a few
things from the washing machines in my apartment building. I went to
clothing stores in run down areas of town where they would have big bins of
panties on display and I would pick a few pairs and buy them. The
anticipation, the planning, the actual selection of the panties, and
bringing them to the counter to pay for them was painfully exciting, yet
tainted by humiliation. In retrospect, maybe it was the humiliation that
was the most exciting part of it.

I remember that I would walk past lingerie stores and admire the expensive
satin and lace panties. They were so much nicer than the 99 cent, plain
polyester panties I was buying. I had to own some. I staked out a store
and went in as soon as the doors opened on some miserable Saturday morning,
because I thought that was the time I was least likely to be seen. The
owner greeted me nicely, and I asked her to show me some nice panties. She
asked me what size my girlfriend wore, and I replied that they were for me.
I shivered with delight as these words came out of my mouth. But the
counter lady was appalled and she began to scream that I was a pervert, and
I quickly ran out into the relative anonymity of the rainy street. It was
many years before I went back to a lingerie shop.

I started traveling regularly for business in about 1998. I realized that
I was totally anonymous in the cities I visited. I didn't know a soul. My
hotel room gave me a place to be alone and uninterrupted. I started off
traveling with one pair of panties. As the urge to dress became greater, I
became more brazen and began to take more risks. I would go to Sears and
buy nylons. I would go to the Maidenform outlet and buy panties. I was