The Coma Girl Brain Transplant

and I don't want to point fingers at the police because, despite the fact that they held me for a week, beat me and clearly tried to stitch me up, despite all of that, I still believe the police do a remarkable job... but somehow, someone at the police station released the video of what had happened onto the web.

I watched it myself for the first time and was quite pleased with how slim I looked from the side, which was some consolation out of this tragic event, I suppose. It was a spectacle to behold mind you, my girlfriend on all-fours and gagged, me behind her pumping her ass, blind-folded with my head moving in the air like a blind keyboard player as I tried to 'see' what was happening with my ears. I genuinely thought she was moaning and groaning in pleasure, even though the only moaning I'd ever experienced from her was the annoying type of, daily basis, moaning. Perhaps, in retrospect I should have been a little more cautious. What I had thought was an orgasmic leg shake, was in fact, as I was later told by a medical professional, actually a reaction of the spinal cord triggered when the brain was shutting down. Her leg kick was not a sexual climax but, rather ironically, the biggest anti-climax of her life as her brain was dying. I was so bad in bed that I had literally put her into a c***.

The video went viral and within a week practically everyone on the planet had seen it. I was an international laughing stock. People were selling t-shirts which said 'Shag her like Sherman' and 'This is what you get for moaning, you bitch'.

'Not tonight Dear, I've got a bloody headache' was another one I read on a t-shirt, which I thought was particularly unnecessary. Daily life was becoming unbearable as people on the street would do an exaggerated hip thrust gesture at me and laugh when they recognised me so I stayed indoors until the trial.

The trial was not stressful because of the legalities and my possible incarceration but it was stressful because of the sniggering and innuendo which the judiciary seemed all too willing to indulge in.