I Give Up

The requirement of the website administrators was a detailed personal description. I added my simple request. Within a few days I had received seven, actually eight responses, from people who described themselves as dominating and were interested in being involved with me, as I began my transition. A follow-up only came from two, and of these, one was a pushy woman who required that I allow her to call me. After the short conversation I felt she was a bit too dark.

The second, well the user name was 'anaisdom' and seemed interesting though the response was only the first short Instruction.

The idea had been in my head for months, to allow my hair to grow to help with my appearance, so this Instruction just caused me to think long and hard about how and whether to respond. Though different from the other messages, at least she included a vague body shot with her wearing a dress and heels. I couldn't see her face clearly, for there was a veil. Now months later, as I reviewed my earlier notes I studied the image. I was attracted to her though I wondered now, who had prepared the shot? Was it this other person, to whom she would give the photos?

With my original posts, I would vacillate for an entire day before I would click the 'send' button. My anxiety would control me. Those long months ago I had dressed and prepared the image of me wearing my best outfit. A moment later it was on the net, bit and pixels on the way to her Internet address. It was my way of accepting the challenge.

I waited, hoping to get some response from anaisdom but there was no further contact. I checked every few days. Slowly I came to realize during this time that I wanted this, and her note was clear, no contact. I wasted more time on-line during those early weeks, but no other responses arrived from my on-line inquiry. I considered other steps but determined that anaisdom was correct; either I was a simple 'dresser' or a woman. I knew what I must do, so I quietly went about my life and work was the distraction thankfully.