My Last Duchess

"I'm happy to do it, of course," Thaddeus said, "but, remember, that every correction--"

"It's not a correction," I interrupted.

"--or revision," Thaddeus continued, "is an extra hundred dollars, minimum."

"Fine," I said. I wanted the painting to be perfect, and I was willing to pay whatever it cost to make it so. I had no intention of telling Thaddeus Martin this, of course, although I suspected that the artist had probably figured it out for himself by now. After all, I had already agreed to--or, to be more precise, had already insisted upon--over a thousand dollars in revisions to what was more and more likely to become Thaddeus' magnum opus.

"Given the nature of this, uh, revision, the cost will probably be quite a bit more than the minimum," Thaddeus warned. "I mean, it is a rather significant revision."

"Fine, fine," I replied.

"I just wanted you to know ahead of time. Most of my clients don't like surprises in their bills."

"Just do it, okay, Thad?"

"Sure, James. Delighted."

What had inspired me to commission the work upon which Thaddeus was working was both a poem, "My Last Duchess," by Robert Browning and a particularly painful affair with a lovely lady who hadn't been quite as submissive, as it turned out, as she'd advertised herself to be.

She hadn't advertised herself literally, of course; I want nothing to do with the sort of women who take out classifieds in dubious porno publications, sex magazines, or their online equivalents.

Amanda Johnson had advertised herself the way that all women advertise themselves--or, at least, all women who are on the make: she went braless, wearing low-cut necklines that showed plenty of cleavage; skirts slit up the side to mid-thigh; thong underwear (or none); stockings and garter belts; and, of course, a mask of makeup under perfectly coiffed hair.

There was her body language, too: a wide, ready smile; a disarming manner; girly flirtatiousness; averted gazes alternating with lingering looks; an indulgent manner; and a solicitous, engaging, and submissive demeanor.