Harmony and Melody

Harmony and Melody were lesbian lovers.

Their real names weren't Harmony and Melody, but Gretchen Smart and Cynthia Howard. However, Harmony and Melody were a duet, and, as such, they thought, as did their agent, Mindy Swanson, that the duo needed stage names with more pizzazz. Like their same-sex orientation, their stage names added appeal to their cute faces and curvy figures. The fact that they actually could sing was almost an afterthought to their success as singers.

Like Madonna, they knew how to reinvent themselves and how to reinvigorate their career. When a new idol had threatened to steal their thunder, they'd intimated, through their publicist, Betty Walters, that they were on the brink of a breakup. The tabloids ran countless articles, accompanied by photographs, many of which had been doctored, showing the "lesbian lyricists" on the verge of "splitting up," their authors citing "irreconcilable differences" between "pop music's most cuddlesome crooners." Within a month, the new idol was forgotten, her rising star now fallen.

Likewise, when the Peppermints, a skyrocketing all-girl group, endangered the female faggots' popularity, Harmony and Melody responded by releasing "Harmony and Melody," which sold in the millions, eclipsing the Peppermints' meteoric rise. The song was semi-autobiographical, its lyrics telling of how they'd met, developed mutual crushes upon each other, engaged in first-time lesbian sex with one another, and become lovers with no further use for men as sex partners. Their fans, who were numerous, especially among lesbians, knew the words to the song by heart, having played it incessantly.

The same-sex singers' greatest threat, however, was posed by the so-called Princess of Pop, a black bitch by the name of Panther. She brought a level of lewdness to her performances that was mesmerizing. Just short of "indecent," her pelvic thrusts and gyrations left her audiences, female as well as male members among them, aroused and clamoring for more.