Sexuality Takes a U Turn

It seems funny when in life we feel we know or thoughts and feelings like the back of our hands. sometimes it feels as if your own sexual existence is played out from child birth. you are conditioned to be attracted to the opposite sex, conditioned to desire marriage, a family and a nice house in Florida after you retire. to me sexually should have been a opened book in my household growing up. my mom was all for being opened it was my dad that had hang ups about discussing sexuality openly. so my mom told me about sex for my dad thought the birds and the bees was good enough....more like confusing lol even tho I played sports I think because I was raised by my mom I always have had a feminine side to me more then most guys.

What I mean by this is that as I dressed up as a women for Halloween most guys would do it as a joke, but I actually liked it it felt comforting. little did I realize why,first I thought maybe I was I was leaning towards being gay.but that did not make any sense for I was still sexually attracted to women. so I made the bad decisions of putting this issue on hold until now at the age of 33....not such a good idea lol I realize these days I do not want to be a woman just like women's panties and certain clothes and wigs.this also brings up another issue that was unresolved form my early twenties and that was my attraction to transsexuals. instead of exploring why I have felt these thoughts feelings I harbored them. I hid my feelings not only from my family but also my friends.

I became the closet cross dresser who was also attracted to transsexuals keeping it under lock and key in my mind. it was the only place where I could find comfort with it. now let me state after sometime I did not feel weird about how I felt just who the hell would except it. I was a person who gave in to pure pressure all the time back then. since I was too stubborn to be me completely honest eventually it ruined my relationships with people I dated. because I wanted to wear women's panties and wigs lip stick make up the whole deal.